The Moment I Break
Ari Fraser standing on the podium of prayer;
"The moment I break"
Beyond being a businessman, a creator, and a singer, Ari Fraser sometimes serves as a Cantor (a Chazzan) particularly during the high holidays and other special events.
Last year, after the long Yom Kippur prayer, he was emotionally drained… He sat down at his piano and wrote this song… a song which expressed what he experienced during the Day of Awe, as a cantor and a prayer leader.
"During the long day of prayers, every person aspires to touch that one moment… the moment they break down… even if just a little, even if it’s for a brief moment or so.
We pray and plead all day for that brief special experience, to feel something… a pinch of regret, a moment of truth, a chance to surrender to the great King sitting in judgment, shed a tear, plead on behalf of ourselves, and our family…
The role of the prayer leader, the Chazzan, besides leading the liturgy and melodies, is to bring the congregation to that moment…each one of them at their own moment time, to be moved, to shed a tear, to open the heart, to break and seek forgiveness and atonement from the Master of the Universe, and of course, to decree a good year for all of us."
"In essence, prayer is like a door that opens and closes. We cannot feel the same level of power throughout the entire prayer” explains Ari…
But what about the Chazzan himself?
Apart from the emphasis on the melodies and ensuring the voice carries the cantorial parts, when does the cantor actually experience those special moments?! Expressing repentance or any real emotions is extremely difficult because their role requires them to detach a bit, almost playing the role of a performer or the conductor, leading the prayers and the congregation but leaving out themselves.
"I felt that I too desired to be in true proximity to God, I too wanted to break and surrender myself to the Master of the Universe. I still felt that I hadn't broken enough and the spiritual experience wasn't complete for me. Only sitting in front of the piano, after it was all over, it happened. The words and melody finally expressed the storm that was burning within me during prayer..." Says, Ari
“I look upon the sunset with sorrow
When will I learn to let go? I ask,
Is there a chance for me, will repentance come?
Only God really knows ( only God can forgive)
Walking down that same path,
Trying to hide it all from myself,
I take with no mercy I conquer it all, I leave no shadow for doubt (reflection)
And maybe I can stand here before you,
Maybe Ill put on a great show,
But on this day, I too will pray
For my right to a moment to break/atone."
Ari's hopes that the song will awaken the recognition of what we need to do in moments of connection with God. "There are people who struggle to grasp that the position of repentance and prayer is intended for everyone, even someone who is not truly knowledgeable about the intricacies of prayer and its uniqueness but only wants that moment of breaking, where they humbly submit themselves before God, in a personal and sacred moment. But the truth is that every person can achieve these realizations. I will never forget this prayer of Yom Kippur 5753 (2022) for the rest of my life..."
